Confession
by Goateeman
Summary: Dr. Brian Swiss, a child psychologist, has been summoned to South Park to help with the problems of three children: Butters Stotch, Kenny McCormick, and Tweek Tweak. What's on these boys' minds, and how will Dr. Swiss handle these situations? Well, read to find out!
1. Case 1: Butters Stotch

Confession

Dr. Brian Swiss was used to traveling to South Park by now. This world renowned child psychologist had been called to this little mountain town at least a dozen times over his long twelve year career. The children of South Park have had some particularly venomous problems: from a boy feeling like he was too girly, to a teenager who's parents were brutality murdered and turned into chili that he ate. By the sixth or seventh time, the sheer awe of the children's problems no longer phased him. This time, he was contacted by the Stotch family in an email.

"_Dear Dr. Swiss_

_Recently, our little boy Butters hasn't been acting like himself. He used to be happy, fun-loving, and outgoing among many other positive characteristics. But around two months ago, he started to retract from his friends. He never talks to us or them anymore, and stays locked in his room all day. Its gotten to the point where we have to bring him his meals. Please help us doctor, our little boy needs help_

_ Thank you for reading_

_ Mr. and Mrs. Stotch"_

Once his plane from Chicago landed in Denver, Dr. Swiss hailed a taxi to South Park. In the cab, Dr. Swiss noticed a local news paper.

"Excuse me sir, but can I see that newspaper?" Dr. Swiss said in his smooth calm voice.

"Sure buddy." Dr. Swiss then realized it was a local South Park paper the cabbie must have gotten while there. There wasn't much in the paper, just your average obituaries, advertisements, and the day's weather forecast; that being fucking cold. But there was an article featuring the school.

"_...the school is a wonderful place for your child to go. Consider signing your child in South Park Elementary today."_

Under the message about joining the school, there was a picture of the fourth grade class. Dr. Swiss saw some familiar faces: Tweek Tweak, Wendy Testaburger, Eric Cartman, and Craig Tucker. Oh how those children boggled the good doctor's mind. On the edge of the bleachers they were sitting on was a small blonde boy with a turquoise jacket and baby blue eyes. The boy wasn't smiling, he looked as if he didn't want to be there. That's something he'd expect from Craig, but this kid looks so adorable. That must be Butters.

The ride was awkwardly quiet, but Dr. Swiss enjoyed the silence for once. He loved the small town feel of South Park. A fifteen minute ride later, the cabbie dropped the doctor off at the edge of town. There it was, South Park. It had only been six months since he was there, but a lot can happen in that span of time, particularly in this little town. The sun was dawning over the town, soon the children would be roaming the streets on this brisk Saturday morning. Dr. Swiss walked further into town, people were entering there shops to open up, one of these being Tweek Bros Coffeehouse. He followed the short-haired the man into the shop along with his son Tweek. Dr. Swiss took his seat at one of the tables until the man was ready.

"Dr. Swiss?" The man, Mr. Tweak, asked. "You're back in town I see."

"What?!" Tweek yelped "I keep telling you people that the therapy doesn't work!"

"Don't worry Tweek, he's not here for you, Now get in back and start up the brewer." The blonde haired and sloppily dressed kid did as his father told him.

"So what brings you back into town doctor?"

"One of the children has become an extrovert, and his parents asked for my help."

"Yeah, Tweek keeps talking about that kid, and how he's possessed and how he's going to unleash hell itself on the town."

"Well that does sound like something Tweek would say." The two men chuckled and the doctor ordered a frappe. After the doctor finished his drink, he made his way to the residential area. On a two-way street lay identical houses, only differing from the paint on each one. Dr. Swiss had called the Stotch family after he received the email, and they told him they lived in a red-beige house with and SUV parked outside. Soon enough he found was looking for, and knocked on the door. A middle aged women with long blonde hair answered the door.

"Good morning ma'am, I'm Dr. Brian Swiss." The two shook hands and the women eagerly led the doctor inside.

"Stephen, he's here!" The woman announced. Just then, a man in an drab olive-green shirt and white tie walked into the living room.

"Good to me you doctor, I'm Stephen and this is my wife Linda." The married couple sat on the couch and Dr. Swiss just sat on the floor in front of them.

"Doc, you do know there's a chair right next to you, right?"

"Don't worry about me" The doctor said stretching his arms "I prefer it this way. So I read in the email your son has become reclusive?"

"Yes doctor" Linda said "We're very worried about him, his friends are worried about him, he needs your help."

"I will do my very best ma'am." The three got up. Stephen went into the kitchen and handed Dr. Swiss a plate of scrambled eggs and toast.

"Give this to Butters, the boy needs to eat." Dr. Swiss gladly accepted the plate and walked upstairs. One of the doors had a note on it that said please knock, so that must be Butters' room. The doctor knocked on the door.

"Hello? Is there anyone in there? I have some eggs and toast here for you." The only response Dr. Swiss got was the sound of the door unlocking.

"Alright, I'm coming in." Dr. Swiss slowly opened the door, and there on the bed in front of him was the boy from the newspaper, Butters Stotch.

"I got your food, if you want it." The boy took the plate and took a bite out of one of the pieces of toast. Dr. Swiss sat on the floor. "Just let me know when you're ready." It took Butters about fifteen minutes to eat, not saying a word to the doctor. Once he finished the last of his eggs, the boy finally spoke.

"You didn't need to come here."

"Well, you seem to be having problems, and you're parents have asked for my help.

"Oh, so now they're worried about me? Now they give a fuck? How novel."

"What's wrong with your parents?" Butters waited a bit before answering the question.

"They never think of MY best interests. Everything they do involving me is for Their best interest, not taking my opinion into consideration, like camp." Butters put his hand over his mouth, he had just spoke of camp.

"What did you do at camp? I always thought camp was fun."

"Its not the camp you're thinking about." Dr. Swiss knew immediately knew what Butters was talking about, Straight Camp.

"Let me ask you this if you will, do you like anyone at your school?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just something for me to take into consideration." Butters pondered for a moment.

"Well, there's my friends Stan, Kyle, Eric, and Kenny. Besides them, no one really."

"Out of this group of kids, is there one you particularly like?"

"What are you getting at doc?"

"Butters, I know exactly what camp you were talking about. Your parents sent you to one of those "Pray the gay away" camps didn't they?" Butters sighed, knowing his secret had been revealed.

" Yeah, they did. I know they mean well, but they're just going to have to accept the fact that I'm as gay as a rainbow."

"When did they send you?"

"Two months ago."

"Your parents said this was around the time you excluded yourself. Is it the reason?"  
"Yeah, I didn't want the other kids finding out, so I stopped talking to them."

"Okay, that wasn't so hard wasn't it."

"Well I'm talking to a non-judgmental professional, not my bigoted-ass, self denying parents."

"Self denying?"

"Yeah, I know full well my dad's bi. I even have proof." Butters walked over to his desk and opened a folder on top of it. In there were some pictures that Butters showed the doctor. In them where Butters' dad committing homosexual acts with other men.

"Well, that's...not what I was expecting to see this morning. Alright, here's my plan: We go downstairs together, and you come out. If your dad or mom object, or are not accepting, then I'll show them the photos. Deal?"

"Deal." The two walked back down the stairs and sat in the living room where Butters' parents waited.

"So" Stephen said "How'd it go?"

"Good" was Dr. Swiss' response. "I got hm to open up about something. Butters, you want to tell them?" Butters took a deep breath.

"Mom, Dad. I'm gay. I'm a queer, fag, fairy, and I'm proud." The two parents had a look of distress.

"No Butters" Stephen said " You're just... confused."

"Don't project on to other people Mr. Stotch, especially your own child."

"What does that mean?"

"You know full well what I'm talking about." Dr. Swiss handed him the incriminating photographs. The two parents were mortified.

"Stephen! I thought this was just a phase." Linda said to her husband.

"It is, I just haven't come out of it."

"Face it Mr. Stotch, the sooner you accept your bisexuality, the better. Your son depends on you, looks up to you. How can he look up to a man that's such a coward that he can't accept himself for who he is?" Stephen broke into tears.

"Linda...he's right, this isn't just a...phase." Linda patted him on the shoulder.

"Don't worry honey, its okay. And your son being gay is okay too."

"Butters" His father said "I'm so sorry for putting you through that awful camp. Can you forgive me?"

"Of course I can dad." The father and son embraced each other.

"Well it looks like my work is done here." Dr. Swiss, picking up his bag.

"Thank you for helping us doc" Stephen said "It means a lot." The doctor said his goodbyes and left the Stotch residence. As Dr. Swiss walked to his next appointment, he got a text, from Butters.

"_My mom had your phone number on her desk. Thank you for helping me through such a confusing thing in my life. I will always remember you. Ps – Dad says you're cute."_


	2. Case 2: Kenny McCormick

Confession ch 2

The one thing Dr. Swiss loved about South Park was the fact that he could walk through it. He didn't need a car to get around, he needed only his two working feet. Besides the soccer moms, Dr. Swiss didn't see the need for those air-polluting, costly, and simply inconvenient vehicles. Dr. Swiss walked back into main center of town for breakfast. It was only 9:15 A.M, he still had forty-five minutes until his next appointment, so why not? Dr. Swiss pondered where to go. He could go to the Ihop in town, but the last time he went there he found a rat's tail in his scrambled eggs. He could go to the waffle house, but that's were all the drunks go after their morning shots at the bar, so Dr. Swiss decided on Mcdonald's. He walked into the newly built restaurant, ordered an egg mcmuuffin, and sat down. As he ate, the doctor pulled out his phone and looked at his next client's email.

"_deer docter swiss_

_im sory this is beeing speled bad, im only 6 and this compooter is realy old. My brother kenny has ben realy sad lately. I here him talk to him self about kiling him self. He talks about taking a nife and cuting his neck, We're realy poor, so we cant aford that specal medisin that helps people feel beter. We live in the bad spot of town, in an old green howse on the edge of town. Please help my brother, I cant loose him, the rest of my famly cant either. Come at any time between 10-12am, my parents are usaly at the bar. Thank you - karen"_

The sloppily put together email tugged at Dr. Swiss' heart. He felt bad for the boy, and his sister who wrote the email. He was glad to help these kids, for no cost of course. Once Dr. Swiss finished his food, he walked up to the cashier to ask for directions. Why does this town not have any fucking addresses?

"Excuse me sir, do you know of a small green house on the edge of town?" The cashier raised an eyebrow.

"You mean the meth lab? Yeah, just follow the road east until it breaks up. It should be near some homeless camps.

"Thank you." Meth lab? That girl wasn't kidding, that part of town was messed up. Dr. Swiss made his way to the house. He had never really been in the bad part of town. The buildings were run down, the street was in need of paving, and there seemed to be more prostitutes on the side of the road then that one time in his twenty's when his friends convinced him to go to Las Vegas with them. Ignoring the invitations of sex by the prostitutes, Dr. Swiss reached the house in question. The house's paint was chipped to hell, and part of the roof was missing on the garage. The outside also smelled awful, like chemicals and what not. That must be the meth the cashier was talking about. Dr. Swiss peeked through the window and saw a little girl sitting on the couch, reading a copy of _The Poop That Took a Pee, _Truly as masterpiece for all ages. Inside was a banner on the wall that said "Happy Birthday" on it in big red letters. Dr. Swiss knocked on the door, and the little girl from inside answered.

"My parents said not to talk to strangers." The girl said.

"Are you Karen? I'm Dr. Swiss, you said your brother needs my help." Karen gasped.

"Oh my gosh, I didn't think you'd actually come. Come in, please." Karen grabbed Dr. Swiss by the hand and pulled him in. The two sat down on the stinky, damp couch.

"So, is today your birthday or something?"

"Yeah, I'm turning seven today."

"Well happy birthday then."

"Thanks mister. So... I told Kenny you'd be coming over, he's in his room."

"Okay, knock on the door if you need anything sweetie." Dr. Swiss walked over to Kenny's room and knocked. The door was answered by a boy in a orange parka that covered his face.

"Come in." The boy said, his voice being muffled by the parka. Dr. Swiss took Kenny's swivel chair and sat down.

"So, what do you think?" Kenny asked.

"About what?" The doctor asked in return.

"About the house, about my deadbeat parents, about my sister."

"Do you want me to tell you the truth?"

"I already know the truth, don't worry." Dr. Swiss took a deep breath.

"What kind of parents go to the bar at ten in the morning on their daughter's birthday?"

"My parents."

"What do you think about your parents?"

"My dad's an asshole, plain and simple. My mom actually cares for me and Karen, but she's incompetent." Kenny sighed "I just want to take Karen and get her out of here. She doesn't need to be here."

"Is this in any way related to your suicidal thoughts?" Kenny cocked his head toward the doctor.

"H-How do you know about that? Have you been stalking me you fucking creep?!"

"No, not at all. In the email your sister sent, she said you had been talking to yourself, about slitting your throat."

"When did she send the email?"

"About five days ago. Why?"

"Because I already did that. I took my dad's knife and cut myself. I died right there and then, but I came back, I always do." Dr. Swiss sat there, puzzled by what Kenny said.

"Don't believe, huh?"

"No, I don't honestly. Kenny, are you alright in the head. Do you think something's wrong with you whenever you think of things like that?"

"Trust me doc, I'm not crazy. Watch." Kenny opened his dresser and pulled out an old video camera, and a revolver. Kenny handed Dr. Swiss the camera and turned it on.

"Watch, I'm going to blow my brains out. You're going to record it. I guaran-goddamn-tee in five minutes, I'll knock on that window over there."

"Kenny, put the gun down. You don't need to do this!"

"Yes I do. Start filming, cause you're going to forget in t-minus thirty seconds. " Kenny pressed the gun against his skull and pulled the trigger. He fell to the ground, dead.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" The doctor yelled.

"Is everything alright in there?" Karen asked from outside the door.

"Uh...don't worry honey, your brother's closet door fell. That's all."

"Oh, okay." Dr. Swiss kept the camera pointed at the body.

"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god." Dr. Swiss kept repeating this until he heard a knock on the window. He walked over to it, and there Kenny was, unscathed. Dr. Swiss opened the door and pulled the boy in.

"Dude, don't man handle me like that." Dr. Swiss just stared at the boy.

"Its true..."

"Wait, you remembered?"

"What...what person would forget some kid killing himself in front of them?!"

"Look. When ever I die, whether it be from lightning, or getting hit by a car, I always come back, and nobody ever remembers. But you did. This is great!" Dr. Swiss looked over to where Kenny's corpse used to lie, it was gone, so were the blood stains.

"I feel great! Thank you for helping me doc."

"Look, I need a drink to get this out of my head. But first..." Dr. Swiss pulled out a fifty dollar bill and his phone number out of his pocket. "Go get your sister a good present, call this number if you need to talk to me. I'm going to the bar, this is some big shit for me to process kid." As Dr. Swiss walked out of Kenny's house, Kenny yelled from the porch.

"Hey! Tell my parents they're asshole for me while you're there for me."


	3. Bar trouble

Confession ch 3

Dr. Swiss had always had a sort of alcohol problem. He's never been addicted to the stuff, but he had always acted insane while under the influence. He first touched alcohol when he was seventeen at his high school graduation party. That night he banged three of his classmates, and attempted to stick his dick in the bathroom sink. A few years later his buddies and him took a trip to Las Vegas. He got so drunk at one of the casinos that the manager threw him out for life. The place smelled like jizz and death anyway so Dr. Swiss wasn't heartbroken. But since then he hasn't touched a bottle of beer, Whiskey, or anything other alcoholic substance. But that day, Dr. Swiss needed to return to his old friend lady Vodka. The doctor got strange looks as he entered Skeeter's Bar and Cocktails. A man dressed in such a lovely white dress shirt and black Khaki pants was the last thing the bar rednecks thought they'd see in there. Ignoring the weird looks, Dr. Swiss took his seat at the counter.

"Hey buddy, church ain't till' tomorrow." The bartender teased.

"Vodka on the rocks, now." The doctor ordered.

"Jeez, just messin' with ya' buddy." Soon enough the doctor had his drink. He drank it and ordered another. He did this until he was buzzed, but not too drunk he couldn't keep an intelligent conversation with the man next to him.

"You come here often?" Dr. Swiss asked the the man wearing a red "Scotch" and blue over-shirt.

"Everyday with my wife here." He pointed to a red-headed lady next to him with a "I'm with stupid"

T-shirt on.

"So, you got any kids, cause I'm good with with kids." The doctor said, now getting a little lightheaded.

"Yeah, three of em'. There's Kevin, Kenny, and...what is her name?"

" Stuart, How could you forget about Karen you drunk bastard? The man's wife said, hitting him on his arm.

"Carol, you hit me again and I'll fucking do something."

"Wait, your kids are Kenny and Karen. I've meet them, and they've told he how you guys are neglectful and horrible fucking parents. And I can see why."

"You best leave mister if you know what's good for you" Stuart threatened.

"You don't scare me you incompetent redneck piece of shit." Stuart responded by pulling his .38 revolver out of his holster and pointing it at Dr. Swiss.

"What did you say?" Stuart asked, pressing the gun against Dr. Swiss' head.

"I said..." Dr. Swiss snatched the gun out of Stuart's hand and punched him out of his seat. "You're a redneck piece of shit."

"You fucking motherfu..." Stuart tried to grab the gun back from Dr. Swiss, resulting in the gun falling to the ground, discharging, and hitting Stuart in the stomach.

"Stuart!" Carol yelled, running over to him. Dr. Swiss took a final swig from his Vodka and left the bar. He spent the rest of the night in the bad side of town, soliciting prostitutes. He woke up the next morning in a motel six, with his wallet stolen.

"That...bitch." Dr. Swiss said, waking up from his booze induced sleep. The first thing Dr. Swiss did was check his phone, there a message from the association he worked for.

"_Brian_

_ Your drunk episode had resulted in the serious injury of one of your patient's parents. The association cannot let this go unpunished. You are here by revoked of your therapy license. The police cannot prosecute you though, you were acting in self defence according to the witnesses. Still, your fired. Chairwoman Kimberly. _

"Fuck."


	4. Revelation

Confession ch 4

So that was it. No more traveling the country, no more potentially saving children from suicide, no more work. Dr. Swiss, now just plain Brian, sat at the edge of the motel bed, not knowing whether to cry or scream in anger over what he did the night before. Instead of doing either, he simply put his clothes on and left the motel. Brian walked the streets of the bad side of town, not knowing what to do, or what to even think. Once you've been doing something you love for so long, what do you do when its all gone in an instant? Brian wasn't upset with how this would effect him financially, the man had made so much money over the years he could retire right then and there in the fucking Bahamas if he wanted to, but he didn't. Even with his vast amount of wealth: He didn't own a car, he didn't own a house, and he wasn't married. He only used his money to fund his travels across the nation. But now that was all over, and Brian had nobody to blame but himself. Brian continued to walk aimlessly, until he came across an urban clothing store. In his mind he wasn't even worthy of wearing a dress shirt, or any other fine clothes. In the store, he bought a plain t-shirt and some blue jeans. The former doctor looked like he was trying to be hip but wasn't, but he didn't give a fuck anymore. He walked out of the store and made his way to the plaza. While there, he saw so many people having a good day. He saw a man propose to his girlfriend and she said yes, children were playing street hockey, and birds were chirping. It was as if God himself was like "Fuck you Brian." Brian walked into Tweak bros coffeehouse, and sat at one of the tables, not ordering anything. He was surprised to see so many people in the coffeehouse on a Sunday morning, but since the church was torched by satanic arsonists a week prior, the great people of South Park had nothing better to do. Blocking out all the noise, Brian checked the town's newspaper's website on his phone to see if he had made the news, turns out he did.

"_Child psychologist gets in fight with local redneck, shots fired, redneck in critical condition." _It was on the front page too, slow news day he figured. But as he was about to leave, Butters and some kid he had never seen before entered the store and walked through the back door of the coffeehouse house. Butters had a cape on and had a shield and hammer. The other kid had a mage's robe on, with a goddamn katana in his hands. Brian figured they were playing a game. Soon enough, the two kids walked out of the back. Butters noticed Brian sitting in the corner, and decided to say hello.

"Hey Dr. Swiss." The boy said in his normal cheerful way the former doctor wasn't used to. Brian sighed.

"Its just Brian now kid."

"Why? Did something happen?"

"Butters, I got fired yesterday." Butter stood there in shock.

"B-But you can't lose your job, you're so good at it and..."

"Last night I got drunk and accidentally shot Kenny's dad."

"Oh my gosh!"

"Well, I didn't actually shoot him. He pulled his gun at me, I slapped it out of his hands, and the gun discharged when it hit the floor."

"Well, I hope you find another job." Changing the subject Brian asked what the children what they were doing.

"So what were you guys doing?"

"Us? We just delivered a package of...something to Tweek."

"What was the package?"

"I don't know, but we got it from Kenny's house. There were these crazy witch doctors brewing some nasty potions, and I guess we stole some ingredients." Brian was confused about the whole thing.

"You're playing a fantasy game aren't you?"

"Yep. I'm Butters the merciful, I'm a paladin. And this here is Douchebag the mage."

"Douchebag?"

"He doesn't speak much, that's what the grand wizard named him."

"Grand wizard? Are you guys in the KKK or something?"

"Yeah. I fight for the Kingdom of Koopa Keep." Brian was revealed, for a second he thought the kids were working for some racist xenophobic asshole.

"Who's the grand wizard?"

"Eric" Never mind.

"Anyway, we got to get going, see ya' later Dr... I mean Brian." As the children ran off, Brian wondered what Butters meant by "witch doctors," so he decided to find out. Brian got up and made his way back to the bad side of town. Once there, he made his way towards Kenny's house. Just like before, no one was home, not even the kids. Brian turned his attention towards the garage. The smell coming from there as absolutely fucking abhorrent. Holding his breath, Brian opened the door, only to discover three unconscious people on the ground. They looked like meth heads, and judging by the lab inside the garage, they were making the stuff. Brian was shocked, Tweek bros coffee was made with meth.


	5. Poor Heart

Confession ch 5

Brian had to admit, meth laced coffee wasn't really shocking to him, especially after seeing all the messed up shit the town had to offer over they years. But what did shock him was the fact that Tweek drank the stuff constantly. Now that Brian thought of it, Tweek did act like a meth addict. Think about it, Tweek was: Paranoid, twitchy, sloppy and messy. Brian felt so bad for the kid, he needed to stop this. After taking some incriminating photos of the meth lab and the unconscious meth makers, he made his way to the coffeehouse. Once inside, Brian saw a small crowd form at the back door. He made his way through the crowd to discover Tweek's parents hovering over Tweek, who was on the ground, with his hands clenched around his chest.

"Oh God, what happened?" Brian asked one of the women in the crowd.

"It looks like that poor boy had a heart attack."

"Alright everyone move out of the way" A voice demanded from the back of the crowd. The paramedics rushed in and put Tweek in a stretcher. As they hauled Tweek off into the ambulance outside, one of the paramedics asked Tweek's parents to come with them, but they refused, saying that they were the ones responsible for Tweek's heart attack.

"You" The paramedic said to Brian "They won't cooperate, you come along with us, now!" Without saying anything, Brian followed the paramedic into the ambulance.

"So why'd you pick me of all people?" Brian asked.

"Intuition. You seem like a trustworthy person." Brian sat down on a small bench in the ambulance, with his hands over his face. He didn't say anything on the way to the hospital, he was too upset over Tweek's condition. Once they arrived, Tweek was moved to a room, and Brian was told to wait out in the waiting room. Thirty minutes passed, still no news. Then another thirty minutes, until a doctor finally came out with some news.

"So...is he going to be alright?" Brian asked.

"Don't worry, the boy will be fine. But we did find something...odd in the boy's system."

"What's that?"

"Very large amounts of dextromethamphetamine, A.K.A. Pure meth, do you know how this could happen?"

"Actually." Brian pulled out his phone. "You know Tweak Bros coffeehouse right?"

"Yeah."

"Well as it turns out...its made with meth, the parents of that boy get packages from the ghetto and use it in their coffee. The boy also drinks the stuff like its water too ." The doctor stood there, unable to think of words. He had some Tweak Bros coffee that morning.

"Well, I'll make sure to report this to the authorities." The doctor walked back into Tweek's room. After another hour of waiting the doctor came out again.

"Well, he wont be able to leave here for another week. And once he's out he's going to need help adjusting to the injury, and he must be put on a strict no caffeine diet. And he needs to be in stress free environment."

"Okay. I'll make sure to tell someone in his family."

"Actually we already tried to contact Tweek's relatives, but we didn't get a response. So I took the courtesy of looking you up. You're a good man, and if you can, this boy needs you to care for him while his parents are in custody."

"I'd me more than happy to."

**A/N – I'm sad to say that the next chapter will be the last one. But its okay, it has a happy ending. **


	6. The End

Confession ch 6

(**One week later)**

"_Welcome to channel 5 news, I'm Diana Slit. A small mountain town in Colorado, South Park, has earned a reputation of the most meth crazed town in the country, but now new reports show that the population wasn't even aware they were doing meth. Here's reporter Bob Luck with more info."_

"_Thanks Diana I'm standing in front of the now closed Tweak Bros coffee shop, where police have confirmed that the coffee made here was laced with meth. The owners have been arrested for drug possession, as well as child abuse. The two parents knowingly fed their child the coffee, which ultimately caused the boy to go into cardiac arrest. The boy is said to make a full recovery, but only in time. Back to you Diana."_

Brian couldn't help but smile when he watched the news story. As he sat on the couch in his newly bought house on the outskirts of town, he got a phone call, from chairwoman Kimberly.

"Hello?"Brian asked.

"You're making headlines Brian."

"I've noticed."

"I'll just get straight to the point, no one remembers the bar incident, so now everyone will want to take their kids to the man who stopped the biggest meth operation of all time. You want your job back?"

"Actually, I'm good."

"What?" Kimberly was shocked.

"Look. South Park needs me just as much as I need South Park. This town needs someone to help them cope through the horrible things that happen here on a regular basis, and I'm the person they need. Plus I have a kid to take care of now. He's not mine, but he needs my help. Also I just bought a house here."

"Brian Swiss, the man who never settles down, settled down. Okay Brian, okay. I guess this is goodbye." Kimberly hung up.

"W-Who was that?" Tweek asked, sitting up on the couch.

"No one important."

"Okay...I still can't believe it."

"What?"

"Everything. My parents, the coffee, the heart attack."

"Don't worry Tweek, it'll be alright."

"*sigh* I guess your right." And alright everything was.

**A/N – That's it, that's the story. If you want a cheezy epilogue, just let me know. Thanks for reading guys, it means a lot to me. - Goateeman.**


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